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| We feng shui'd my fridge. The door has forever opened with a right-hand hinge, swinging open into the left-hand wall of the kitchen...... Causing me to stand against the wall, open the door, catch the door which falls open towards the center of the (sloped floor, listing) house, and juggle the ingredients, blah blah blah. Now anybody in their right mind would have fixed that (my landlord? when he put in the fridge?) because ideally the door would open into the kitchen and close itself. So the other day I mentioned it casually, that it'd be great to switch the door hinges, et voila, yesterday morning we flipped the door hinge so it's on the left now instead of the right. According to the man of the hour, this was an easy fix. I still can't believe how many problems it solved. It's like Christmas and birthday wrapped into one. Oh wait, my birthday is pretty much already wrapped into Christmas. Okay, it's not. It's better. The door opens against the wall now, and there's actually room to put my kitchen shelves against that same wall. Meaning there is now at least two point five more feet of space against the wall the window is on. Which means the table is no longer jacked into the opposite corner by the cabinet on that same wall. Which means I could actually even put a chair on that wall and still have room to pull the table further down, centered in front of the window. Which means my children can actually grow now and we can all sit around the table instead of them sitting squashed around two edges of the table and me sitting on the stepstool over by the dishwasher to eat!!! It is like a weight has been lifted from my mind.
Oh but it gets better. He also cleaned out the fridge, all the pickles are lined up in a row. How did I get that many pickles anyway? Do pickles last forever? The refrigerator looks brand new.
And better still. We showered changed, ran to the post office and the bank, ran out to the cemetery and changed the flag, went out into the country and found a business he was looking for, then drove around and looked at some nature. We saw geese with little goslings. The rain was falling a little bit and it was so pretty on the lake(pond). And then we passed some little farms and I spotted a newborn calf. I don't know how I even saw it. It was laying on the ground in some tall grass all wet still being licked clean by the mama cow. So I said, there's a fresh new baby cow down over there, so we backed up the truck and sat there watching her clean up the baby, which tried and tried to stand up but I got bored after like the tenth try to stand up and getting knocked down by the licking cow. Finally she stopped licking long enough to do something else, and he got his hindquarters up but then he fell over again. By then I'd had enough baby cow wonderment and we decided to go. This is my second newborn baby animal. When I was little I was the first one to see a newborn baby foal out in a field across from my school bus stop. I think I was in first grade. I think I ran all the way back down the street to tell my mom.
And THEN, we decided to try the new sushi place and it was so frickin good. OMG. They did such a good job.
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| I met him June 11, 2005 at GreekFest and loved him. By August I was scared that I didn't know how to love anybody. I loved him even while I was unfairly judging him on a scale set by past relationships. I loved him even though it seemed so easy to let him go in November of the same year... it looked easy but it wasn't. By June 2006 I missed GreekFest and I was still thinking of him, and by August of 2006 we were sort of back. By August of 2007 we were inseparable and separated by a zillion miles. In August of 2008 his mother died. In August of 2009 I start school. He knows I can do it. I think about these things because we're going to a wedding which happens to fall on the same Saturday that was chosen for GreekFest this year. It's like the fourth anniversary of us. | | |
| Somebody I used to "know" - (and I'll use that term very loosely... I thought I knew him) told me to look in the mirror and quit being so bitter. The background: something happened, I talked to somebodyelse about something, and the somebody I never really knew got all uppity about the "truth" -again use that loosely! in an email (because it would be just bassackwards to actually TALK to me about something... he'd rather just send critical venomous e-mails about how horrible he knows I am and how much he "cares" -okay, all words in quotes from here on out, use that term loosely!! LOL) So I wrote back that really he should mind his own beeswax, but since we are required to manage one thing together, that's the only thing I ever want to get an e-mail from him about. In his reply, he told me to look in the mirror and quit being so bitter! God I was transported right back to effin' Jr. High! I replied calmly and collectedly that once again, I repeat, one thing, that's the only thing, the only important thing in my entire life, and he has to be in on it, so okay, that's the only thing I ever want to hear from him about. I will not fight with him. I will not. Any questions, feel free to call, otherwise butt out. It worked, obviously he didn't actually have anything to say, he just wanted to take it out on me. But it did get me to thinking about that mirror. I love the song "man in the mirror" by Michael Jackson. Recently I danced around someone's livingroom to that song. Michael Jackson is such a tragic figure. How can he even look at himself in the mirror? And isn't there a plastic surgeon out there that could fix him? Honestly, people do wonderful things with prosthetics these days. Is there no prosthetic nose? When I look in the mirror what do I see? Do I see bitter? If I'm bitter, I have a right to be bitter. I'll decide when I'm bitter, I don't need advice from someone who can't even live his own life. But the mirror? I have blue-ish eyes and whatever color hair, I spend plenty of time on my eyebrows, I almost never wear make-up. I try to avoid the full length mirror.
I see a woman who is always a good person. She has always been proudly open minded and fair. She expects justice and she expects peace. I see a woman with a very large and emotionally supportive extended family. I see a woman who was lied to. I see a woman who got married under false pretenses. I see a woman who was led to believe one thing when in fact an opposite thing was true. I see a woman who, every time she suspected something was up, she was made to believe she was crazy for ever having that thought, and she was lied to some more, and then threatened with divorce if she ever said anything like that again. I see a single woman who has three children now. I see the look in my eyes when my co-worker reminds me for the third time I should be glad I even have a date because divorced 30-somethings with three children aren't really such a hot commodity. I see a woman who will be almost 50 when her youngest turns 18. I see a woman who as a child expected she would fall in love, marry once, have a strong loving relationship in which she and the man she married would work hard together to raise children and care for the household. The woman in the mirror has been blessed with the most amazing children on the planet. She continually laughs with, plays with and teaches these children how to live. She coaches them on how to clean and how to earn money and how to be independent. She expects them to take care of themselves when they grow up, and she expects them to be able to live modestly without asking their parents to bail them out time and time again. If they want new toys, she shows them how to sew up some new toys. When her children are home, they play outside, they read, they ride their bikes, they help clean up the house. They are works of art. I see them in the mirror, making faces at the woman in the mirror, and they are the work in progress. The woman I see in the mirror is certain that under the circumstances, bizarre bizarre circumstances, surely these children are meant to change the world. How else could she justify being this far away from her family? How else could God justify that kind of situation she was in, other than to specifically create these children? So these three must be extra special. After her divorce, the woman in the mirror had a difficult time for a very short while with a few men. Their behavior was undesirable. She realized she was going back to what she was used to. It's amazing how many men wish to take advantage of a woman. Once you've lived with it for ten years, it takes a minute to realize it's happening all over again. The man she has ultimately been blessed with is her best friend and her hero. He has taught her how to live. He has taught her that it's okay to be angry and it's okay to cry and he has never been angry with her. There is not a single fight that they have had. When she has been upset, even though it's clearly a result of her living in such a bizarre previous relationship, he is still sorry she's upset. He still comforts her, even if her behavior may seem a bit irrational considering he never does anything wrong. This has happened rarely, because he is so honest and forthright. I thank Heaven a billion times for this particular man. He is the best thing that ever happened to me. He watches me in the mirror, he notices every little thing. In the mirror I see a woman who knows everything about that certain somebody, even though he will deny it to his grave. He points his finger and says I should look in the mirror, spitting bitter at me like it was a crime. But the honest truth is, everytime he points his finger at me, there are three fingers of his hand pointing back at him. | | |
| Emotional abuse is easy to spot once one realizes one has been a victim. Once one has been a victim of emotional abuse, and realized it, the emotional weightlifting must begin. A break between relationships of at least six months is recommended for those ending an emotionally abusive relationship. I personally believe that a truly healthy relationship is likely to evolve after having first become good friends. Good friends want what is best for their friend, they do not selfishly expect the other person to conform to their wishes and expectations. When this rule is followed, it is possible for a solid relationship to develop where both people know exactly where they stand with the other. I have noticed that often people tolerate incredible negativity and cruelty from others in the name of 'friendship' or 'love' - One becomes the lover one becomes the abuser. I believe this is based on a variable reinforcement schedule of training. This is the same reason a chicken can be trained to do tricks in a carnival. Once a variable reinforcement schedule is established, people and chickens will continue to repeat behaviors in the hopes of getting a reward. Dogs will also work on this type of schedule. Often, humans will tolerate misbehavior on the part of a mate as long as the mate occasionally behaves in an appropriate manner towards the other. Appropriate is generally defined by the partner being abused. Often, saying "I love you" is strong enough to create a bond for the abused partner... often that partner will continue to tolerate much abuse simply because the other says they "love" him or her. The abused partner does not seem to realize that being abused is the opposite of being loved. Somehow the words the abuser speaks casts a spell over the abused. Humans will often believe outrageous lies - lies that go against solid evidence - in order to remain in what could very loosely be termed the good graces of the abuser. It is often incredibly difficult to snap an emotionally abused person out of their acceptance of their abuser's misbehavior. Often they are so very well trained that they begin to believe that they are at fault for everything that is happening to them. They believe they "deserve it" - they accept being treated poorly for that reason. They are led to believe that nobody else would love them, or that they would have no way of surviving on their own. I am curious about this. If they believe that they deserve it, is this somehow a tiny part of themselves calling out, could this be considered a clue that they need to get out of the relationship. I mean, if you know the oven is hot, and you jump in anyway, do you deserve to get burned? If you know bees sting, but you antagonize them anyway, do you deserve to be stung? Could I have worded it this way, "Oh, I deserved that tirade of name calling and fighting, even though I'm not angry and I didn't do anything, because I simply won't leave that jackass." Once the lover learns the pattern of the abuser, it becomes easier to recognize the abuse for what it is, but first the lover has to realize there is such a thing as emotional abuse. Often the abused person becomes isolated from their family and other friends. When family or friends notice the abuse, the abused person will refuse to believe their observations. This is generally because the abuser would certainly never tolerate such accusations. The abuser is almost never going to come right out and say, "yeah you know, you're right, I'm behaving badly, I'm acting like a bad person, and I'll never do it again" - and if they do, it will probably take a very long time and extensive counseling. I believe -but have no proof - that we learn these behaviors from our parents, or the people that took care of us as children, and the way they treated us or each other. It is possible to retrain an abuser. It is possible to behave in a way that the abuser does not get the response he or she is hoping for. If the other person refuses to respond in an emotional manner to the abuser's temper tantrums, angry words, pouting, manipulative behaviors, then it is possible that the abused person can change the situation. This is what I mean by emotional weightlifting. It takes a huge amount of self control to just not respond. If someone is misbehaving, it takes a very great effort to walk into another room and announce to the furniture that you are going to have a wonderful day, and plan on going for a nice walk. The trick, once you develop this self control, is you must exercise it again and again. The emotional muscle you use must be very well developed. Often people come to realize it is just not worth all that effort. The thing is, everybody on earth doesn't require that much effort to live with. Some people will even bend over backwards just to try and make you happy, which is just doubly delightful, because you'll then in turn enjoy making them happy. And so it begins. | | |
| Kathie Lee and Hoda are playing with ifart on the iphone. What? This is on TV. And how are Bristol Palin's relationship woes NEWS??? who is surprised? They're little children. Sorry, adults maybe get to be adults at 18? Really? Pediatricians treat children from birth through young adulthood. 24 is still not totally grown up. Anyway I'm having a great week. | | |
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